Tweetiff

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I had a very long day. The kind that it isn't too bad 'till you
feel like jumping off the nearest skyscraper (oh wait I work in a skyscraper, all the better to *clears throat* with) but it isn't skippy, jumpy good either.

I got three things today.

I had a hope crushed, a compliment passed and a blessing given.

The hope crushing was awful and even the compliment didn't make up for it. I thought I would have to drag myself from yet another bad day. It felt so stinky and yucky. I nearly cried like a baby 'cos my life had to be altered because of someone who wanted something. But I shoved it at the very back of my already messy brain to make sure I didn't look like I was auditioning to be the next Rudolph.

I thank my Creator for the blessing. It was truly a blessing worth more to me than anything could ever mean.

IT RAINED!!

Hee. The rain did it for me. The wind was so soothing and the simple drip, drip, drip of the rain drops calmed me down almost instantly. People should be re-educated to love the rain. Include it in a syllabus or better still create a subject. (A girl can dream right?) Everyone was quickening their pace as the rain got heavier. I watched as one by one; the ladies in high heels, the man with a roll of newspaper on his hand and the couple overtake me. I on the other hand walked as slow as I possibly could. I didn't want the walk home to end. The sky was a beautiful colour. If only I own a camera...

I loved that walk. It made me feel like I did have all the time in the world to sort my thoughts through. It made me consider the beauty of simple things. It made me love the person who invented umbrellas. It made me think.

But, it cost me a bit. "7 Missed Calls". Shoot!

Ma was worried, who could blame her.
Heavy rain + girl + alone + walking = recipe to disaster.

Dearest rain,
I am in love with you!
With love, Tiff =)

Uncle Michael called. I was so sleepy I didn't exactly know what I was getting into when Ma handed the phone to me.

FYI: Uncle Michael is the single most funniest uncle I've got. Though the entire half of Pa's family are clowns, Uncle Michael's laugh is like Santa's right after he's finished delivering gifts on Christmas. His belly is different from Pa's and Uncle George's, its somehow more pear-ish and nicer to lean against. Hee.

So, I picked up the phone and groggily whispered a 'Hello' but what I got in return was a booming, cheery, enthusiastic 'Hie!'. Hee. That greeting was all it took to wake me from my sleep induced trance. I seriously was shocked into awareness. I felt like someone threw North-Pole-ice-cold water on my face.

"Hie Miss Journalist!"
"Oh! Erm..hello!" Pause.."Huh? Oh you saw it?!"
"Ya lah..How to miss it? Centre spread!"

Okay! This was the most nicest phone conversation I had on the so-called issue. I won't go into the details of the conversation but it felt best although it was a day late. I'm not going to deny getting my fair share of congulatory notes. Thanks Zhi Wei (you were the very first!), Mr Jaya (it was MY pleasure), Eng Chin (can't wait to see you at the next camp), Nahlina (who said I was famous?), Siew Ling (I was so surprised!) and Aisyah (only one tagged on my blog).

Some people who I hoped would see it didn't. Or maybe they did but they didn't want to tell me they did. I mean maybe 15 cents is much too much to spare considering the petrol hike and the up and coming inflation. And anyways its not like I did it for them. As long as the rest of the population understand the disabled better, I'm fine.

Nothing could bring me down right now, not any one of them.

'Cos my uncle called me. The same uncle who gave me my cousin. I really loved hearing him go on about how I'd become a high-profile journalist (as if!). And nothing could beat hearing Aunt Liz screaming to be heard over Val's voice. It was truly truly sincere. I really appreciate it more than the 'thing' coming out at all in the first place. It was real and I felt loved. Truly loved. I wanted to tell him everything about the whole camp. How I felt when I saw Sri and Arasu. How they reminded me so much of Shawn. How I started sobbing uncontrollably.

But I think I'll save it for another time. They were so happy.

And they made me so happy.

*super special acknowledgement: To you who endured my scaredy catness in asking permission, of leaving you hanging to deal with Bethany on your own, of enduring my laughing tendencies and drowning in it with me, of being there when I felt like I couldn't anymore, of letting me know I wasn't alone with Sri, of wasting RM20.40 for you-know-what, for staying up 'til 4am to wait for me to be done writing, and for many more unsaid-forgotten things..Thanks babes!












*hearts*

Disclaimer: Boredom at own risk.

I met God-given angels throughout the weekend. Angels that He decided should send us His message. I miss them terribly. They gave me courage to live. To learn. To smile.

I met my angels at the camp for the severely disabled.



It wasn't a camp like any I've attended before. It wasn't a camp where I got to enjoy myself. It was a camp where the disabled got to taste a little bit of fun they've waited a year to enjoy.

We fished out cut-up pictures to determine our disabled counterpart and that's how I met my first angel. The angel whose needs I would prioritise before anything in the whole entire world. Whose every desire would be more important to me than anything else could ever be. Whom I learnt to love and miss.

My angel was a 30-year old Sri Ganesan whose disability was MR and epilepsy.



He couldn't speak and needed help with eating and cleaning up; that was what I learnt from the info on his name card.

He reminded me so much of my cousin brother who left us to be with Him two years ago. I had so desperately wanted to help him and make things feel alright for him but I couldn't 'cos I didn't know what to do and he couldn't help me by telling me. I could feel the tears sting my eyes when I tried to touch him and he pulled away. I desperately held it back but when I almost choked him while trying to feed him, I just couldn't take it. I cried like all the worlds problems were being burdened upon my shoulders. I cried so hard I thought I would never survive the weekend. When he got fits, I felt like holding him in my arms and rocking him. I wanted to calm him down.

My lack of knowledge was killing me and torturing him.

So, I learnt up. Begged his teacher and mother to let me in on things to do to make him comfortable. Soon I was improvising methods of eating, drinking and having fun. Food needed to be cut up or torn into small pieces so as to not give his throat a hard time. Fits was no longer a feared thing but a way he expressed joy or sadness. He became my big baby. My child.

By the end of the first day he started to recognize me and help me out by eating when I fed him and having mild fits with huge smiles and grunts of happiness as I try to help him. I learnt to love his crooked grin and pushing his wheelchair and his grip on my hand. I dreaded giving him back to his mommie. I miss him so much.

My other angel is Arasu.



He is like me, Chindian. A cutie. He has muscle dystrophy. The cruelest disease as far as I'm concerned. This man of 22 years is the sweetest guy I've ever met with a heart-melting smile. His sincerity got me hooked. His story got me tearing up 'cos my cousin brother had what he has. I can't bear to think that this funny being could end up the way my cousin did. So I made a resolution - I'm going to be there for him. I'll be at every camp. I'll be there. He touched my heart the way no stranger could ever have done in one day.


~Sarala, Chris' and Gervienne's "anak"=))

It feels weird now that I don't have to put anothers needs before mine. It feels wrong.



" Disability isn't a curse, its a blessing "

Do not pity the disabled, pity yourself 'cos you're able.

The disabled are just normal people with special abilities.

I went bonkers be-doinkers with Chris today.

As if we didn't have enough of bumming around at home, we bummed with each other outside of our respective homes. We were supposed to camwhore and contaminate the camera's memory with crazy pictures. Do pay attention to the word 'supposed'.

Because.. *drum rolls* *orchestra music* the girl did not put the memory card in the camera! We had a fully charged digital camera which was non-functional. *bangs head on wall*

What else to do other than entertain each other.

We ended up talking, laughing, and walking aimlessly around. And spotting cutie(s). Teehee. Ultimate girlie-girl day out minus the pictures.

~ Doink! Only someone like you can't buy Nescafe from 'that' guy 'cos you've been there so many times, only you'd buy glue 'cos it says "..apply twice and bonds items immediately.." and only you'd pat a plastic bag 'cos you don't need it. Lols.

You crack me up lah sis. Thanks for going along with my maniacal tendencies. Wait! Scratch that..won't thank you 'cos its your job description right...Hee.

So I've come to realise that I didn't live up to so many expectations. That I didn't even come close to becoming that perfect little girl who would grow up to do wonders. It seems that I've let down too many.

Right now I've become the perfect example of what not to do.

The downright clear and undeniably true evidence of their arguments for why she should do as they say.

Its hard to live with the fact that I've let them down. It hurts to hear it over and over again as they try to make their point evident to her. It not their fault, they're only hoping the best for her.

I'll live..

*ps : Sorry guys for yet another depressing post. Only a few days ago I felt somewhat happy but then life has put me back here. I'm fine really, still capable of laughing and going absolutely maniacal just a tad bit vulnerable to thinking too much when left alone. Hee.

=S

I miss the rain. And the wind that came with it.

It rained heavily on Wednesday but we didn't see any cats nor dogs dropping down in huge droplets of water. I really really miss the rain.

Nuisance to some but fun to others. Ma was pitying me since my pants were all soaking wet. She was being a meanie. *sulks* She said if she weren't there to help me hold the umbrella I might have been blown away like Mary Poppins except I'd end up in probably Uzbekistan since the wind wasn't my ally. [note to self : befriend Mr Wind]

I liked waddling through the ankle deep water. I liked hanging on to the umbrella.

Ma caught the huge grin that was plastered on my face. Lols. I did try to be sympathetic as she complained about her soaking wet shoes but its darn hard when you're having so much fun. Hee.

I love the rain. Blurred vision, accident and sickness prone as well as flood dangers aside. Heavy rain is fun to play in.

Wee!=P

I cannot stress enough how spending quality time with the people you love is important. The phrase 'people you love' may come across as a friend, a lover but seldom will it bring to mind parents especially if you're a growing, temperamental teenager. Hee.

Its darn important to separate the two halves that made you and spend time with them. Separation is crucial so they can't gang up against you when you're trying to get them to buy you something! Hee. You'll also understand why they were willing to spend eternity with each other and how even the grossest thing each of them does doesn't irk the other one bit.

I went out with Pa. His 'witch docs' gave him a day off.

So we went to settle a few of his stuffs throughout the day. My hand through his. The usual.

But he did something unusual. Bad Pa!

He wasn't too happy that the pharmacist entertained people who cut queue. He didn't mind when it was an old lady or when it was an old uncle with his walking stick but when it was a perfectly normal teenager..aio! Hee. So when we were leaving he turned the 'Buka' sign to 'Tutup'. Hee. He walked off with a huge grin on his face. Like small boy only.

Harmless lah but that grin was something we all missed for a long time now. =))