the girl
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She's the girl who sits and watches while others live a charmed life. The girl loves to write but doesn't know if she's any good at it. She loves rainbow sprinkled ice cream on a rainy day. She loves to take walks with the wind blowing. Giggling should be made a career. She tells you her secrets in not so many words.
in the past
blog pokes
well-known pokes
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:41 PM
~ *
I'm still alive, barely, but clinically very alive. Not that any of you might have missed reading this pathetic, under-updated blog right, but to those of you who still care to read *attempts to pamper with massage therapy* thanks! Hee.
After studying Social & Business Communication (a compulsory subject for almost all courses) I've become a crazy expression-defining lunatic. Hah. So...
All of the sentences were not typed in frustration or anger but good-nature and neither is it to implicate any specific individual(s). Heh.
I have started another challenge in life, so to speak. Yes, college. The name is HELP University College and the course Psychology. Oh, go ahead and make that silly silly joke about me being too psycho to psycho my patients. I have had loads of that, thank you very much. And I wouldn't mind one single bit if you go on and say "Psycho at HELP?!" in that patronizing voice and snickering laughs. I'm so used to it that I find no consolation in defending my decision anymore. What more, I'll laugh with you if you like. Hee.I may be studying psychology and I may enjoy what I'm learning but there is still this tiny bit in me that still wants my first study preference. Hah. Desire of the unattainable. I mean I really love learning about behaviors but before I sleep or during that rarely free moments that the dreadful 'Master of Assignments' spares me, I think about Journalism. It is as if I'm cheating on psychology by having an affair with journalism. And the worst part is, psychology knows about journalism and vice versa! Haha.
On to more vague matters.
It took me exactly four weeks. An entire month to get to where I am today. Emotionally numb, that's what I call it. I thought I could fight this point ever returning but I guess not. Goodbye 'Lady in Shining Bazookahs' hello 'Scary Little Miss Nothing'. I mean I did try. I resisted to my best efforts but I guess this is just simply something I'll have to learn to accept. Maybe if I learn to swallow it, even if it takes constant shoving, as painful as that may sound it might just work out. If I just learn to love then I'll be blinded once again and things won't be hard anymore, right? Wait, don't answer that.
I have to believe living like this isn't hard so it won't. Lie to the brain convincingly enough and it transforms anything at all into a truth. So be it.
Plus, though the smiles, laughter, jokes are all a lie, it is still a thousand times better than the alternative of turning into this sad, dejected, lonely human being.
And thus so be it.
And theres that [one]. Lol. I don't know why I even fancy myself thinking about it. Totally and utterly unattainable but I still do. Weirdness at its best or shall I say worst?! Pros? Cons? All I have to say is that [one] is human too! Hah. I'm simply wondering how this is gon' end. Like the previous ones or maybe...
~What is this foreign feeling?!
minx wrote at12:41 PM
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