off much deprived limelight

I can't push the pain away. It's not giving me physical anguish but mental ones. I can't ignore it anymore when you complain of pain. I wish I could put it all on me. To see you all dejected and in so much pain kills what lil' joy I've trained myself to have. It really must be unbearable but I don't know what else to do but pray.

That, that has only proven an act in futility. I'm not blaming Him, I'm just saying that if even that doesn't work than what else do I do to help you? I can't block your pain away and I can't make it all go away so what do I freaking do?! I treasure every lil' smile you share and if only there is some way to make time move more slowly.

I dreamt about 'it' last night and I lay awake crying. I couldn't bring myself to go back to sleep although I knew I had to. I hate dreams like that. I've been having lots with Mummy and it took some time to get used to the fact that it's okay since it already happened but with you... It's just not right! You don't deserve it, maybe I do more than anything but not you!

The end is sweet pleasure compared to gradual deterioration.

minx wrote at9:48 AM
2 replies

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