off much deprived limelight

Ms. Winnee asked "Are you sitting next to your very bestest friend, by the way that word doesn't exist okay!"

Everyone laughed. I shifted nervously in my seat, moving my paper clips stalling for time. I didn't know if she was uncomfortable or if she was looking at me but I know I felt uber weird. I wanted Ms. Winnee to just get to her point already. And anyway why did she have to use a friendship example in a research class?

Seeing that no one acknowledged that they were sitting next to their 'very bestest' friend she went on to explain the research where the goal was to speeden the process of disclosure between members of the opposite sex.

One thing Ms. Winnee said is still ringing in my ears. (Gosh! I have a lecturer's voice ringing in my ears!! *shudders*)

- "This person that is sitting next to you could be your friend but that person may not know you like your very bestest friend knows you, right?" -
So what should my answer be? Right?! Or wrong?

By not raising my hand did I just agree that we aren't 'very bestest' friends? Did she agree to it too? Or did we just succumb to our Eastern collectivist culture and simply conformed to not standing out? I'd really like to not think about it but its nagging at me.

I dont know if she reads my blog anymore but I just need a place to untangle the knots in my brain and heart and plus the picture is perfect and so 'oh-goshly-gosh' cute! *beams*

Things are not like they used to be. It is definitely not 'very bestest' friends material. When I'm hyperred up, I try to relive times like they used to be. Trying to make her giggle at my stupidest-why-did-you-have-to-come-up-with-that antics. And for that brief moment we're back there again with LP blasting and us all giggly-giggly hyper but it crashes. It always does. Curse laughing homeostasis!

Maybe we just grew up? I know that tiny thingy is well, damaging things but its not entirely on me! Nothing is entirely on one side- that's a darn fact. I don't know how to undo this. Everything is superficial.

I want it to be like it used to be. Sometimes I just wish I didn't have to see so much. But then again,
'You don't always get what you want, but you get what you need.' - The Rolling Stones.

There are those who say well there aren't any conflicts so be happy or that you're not fighting so enjoy it but I simply can't because I know there is better. I've tasted the coolness and chuntedness and woweeness so how can I just go back to it being simply moderate?

I feel a lil' piece of ecstasy-ness when we're back there. All the bloody freaking time.

Is this meant to be given up on? Are we just gon' settle on moderateness?
I'm sick of talking this through. Sick of digging up on all the hurts and point fingers for every one of 'em!
How did we lose it? How did we let it slip?
I hate the countless 'talks' I just want to see it back again minus the superficialness. Will I ever?

* I rarely ever do get what I want only always what I need. *

minx wrote at8:24 AM
2 replies

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