Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:51 PM
when there's no one there beside you.
It's not because they don't want to be there with you, beside you. They just can't afford to. Or they can but they won't.
They could always try but they don't.
Who are we all kidding? Why do we try to rationalize that that we know we can't? Why does it intrigue us so much when we know we can't ever find a legible answer?
You say it's selfish, that it's wrong to even wonder. But how can you not?
There's bound to be a time when you look around and the silence of the darkness is all that stays faithful with you. The thoughts that run through your mind then sound so loud, it's as if you're saying it aloud. Heck, you could scream it and no one would even know. The silence sometimes bothers so much. A reminder that someday soon, you could lose this that you have and the exchange is simply reciprocated with silence.
There was you who insisted that there was such a thing as comfortable silence and a few came to the same conclusion. Maybe there is such a thing. Maybe there isn't. It doesn't seem right to remain silent when it is next to never that you meet or talk. But that's another story for another time.
Yes, yes, when you've been doing 'alone' since forever, you tend to adapt to the situation. Find ways to reason that you are not alone. Or that there really isn't an 'alone'.
The issue isn't about wanting a significant other that you hug or look to when you feel like a good pamper. It's about the basic issue of being without anyone there beside you.
Zero. Nil. Zilch.
What's there is just you and the darkness. Echoing thoughts that no one hear. You become your own companion, your huckleberry friend and everything in between.
So, you say something like that could never happen. Fine, it is a tad bit overrated but it does happen.
When you sit in the armchair while everyone is tucked up in bed. Including the cat.
When you slave on your work and it doesn't make a dent.
When there are muffled voices and laughter outside your locked door.
When you feel like throwing up and you do but no one knows or let alone care.
When you perpetually lose your apetite.
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minx wrote at6:51 PM
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