the girl
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She's the girl who sits and watches while others live a charmed life. The girl loves to write but doesn't know if she's any good at it. She loves rainbow sprinkled ice cream on a rainy day. She loves to take walks with the wind blowing. Giggling should be made a career. She tells you her secrets in not so many words.
in the past
blog pokes
well-known pokes
Saturday, June 23, 2007 9:06 PM
undiscovered.
I have this thing I do every time I turn on MyDoxy, I have my left leg up on the chair so the side of my forehead rests on my knee just so I can hug it close. The way my forehead fits perfectly on the top of my knee reminds me of a Snow Patrol song to which I completed many an assignment to. It gives me this feeling that comforts even while revealing the harshest truth. Even the cartoons illustrated in my mind fade from full vivid colors to black and white. Not that black and white is not pretty but after you've seen things in technicolor, it's just a little bit harder to live with only two of such colors. Things are scary that way. You just will never know. Throw the list of 'Wh- & H-' questions right out the window 'cause those only work if you've stolen a time machine.
Somehow even if you say things will get better, I know nothing of the sort is going to happen soon. It has got to go more downhill than it already is because that's what the next few days have in store for me. Do I blame myself? More than anything. Yes, I have an internal locus of control, so sue me.
You ask broken? I answer crushed.
I state it. You deny.
Wait, you insist. But it isn't something I'm capable of. Right now at least.
I have to walk away. I have to forget. I have to focus. My 'to-do' list is getting longer by the minute.
Yes lah, things are not very pretty at the moment. To smile and hide everything is a magic I've not been privileged to possess. So, you get to see my heart's content splattered all over out in the open.
Help is not an option because there isn't any available. I'm in a rut that only I can pull myself out.
Ironically enough, I don't have the strength to do it.
Maybe it's somewhere in me. Merely undiscovered.
As with everything else where this girl is concerned.
Somehow even if you say things will get better, I know nothing of the sort is going to happen soon. It has got to go more downhill than it already is because that's what the next few days have in store for me. Do I blame myself? More than anything. Yes, I have an internal locus of control, so sue me.
You ask broken? I answer crushed.
I state it. You deny.
Wait, you insist. But it isn't something I'm capable of. Right now at least.
I have to walk away. I have to forget. I have to focus. My 'to-do' list is getting longer by the minute.
Yes lah, things are not very pretty at the moment. To smile and hide everything is a magic I've not been privileged to possess. So, you get to see my heart's content splattered all over out in the open.
Help is not an option because there isn't any available. I'm in a rut that only I can pull myself out.
Ironically enough, I don't have the strength to do it.
Maybe it's somewhere in me. Merely undiscovered.
As with everything else where this girl is concerned. minx wrote at9:06 PM
Thursday, June 21, 2007 9:08 PM
it's you, girl. yes, you!
She's this teenie-weenie girl who sat in the corner and wowed the class over with her rendition of a sajak in 1 Mawar.
We scratched at the walls on the third floor fearing the form five building will not be able to hold our weight along with the ten or so classes it houses.
I begged our freakishly weird third form teacher (complete with tears and in front of the whole class) so she wouldn't have to sit in the 'blind-spot' corner. Later that year, she grinned and told me I'm invisible in the dark corridors (grr!). I remember how fast I ran when the classmates told me she was crying veryveryvery hard. And how we came up with the theory that being given the honour of being a prefect is just the euphemism of being a slave.
Then we shuffled around from class to class after being given another honour - the Akik-ians. Oh, and her signature pose in lab. Drop your pen underneath the from-wall-to-wall tables and sleep while pretending to search for it.
The Chen Ken Yee aka 'sai lo ko' aka first girl is that she. And she'll always be.
No matter how long she goes away or how crazy things are on the other side of the straits, she'll always be a part of me that will never go away. It's that part that you think will go away from not hearing about each other's day but never does. It's the feeling that you've found something special and precious and can never forget. It's the way you can write and draw and color and be all artistic just because you know she needs a little bit of her favorite things at the moment.
Okay, okay enough sappiness.
Oh, by the way "HEY, KEN YEE!"
We scratched at the walls on the third floor fearing the form five building will not be able to hold our weight along with the ten or so classes it houses.
I begged our freakishly weird third form teacher (complete with tears and in front of the whole class) so she wouldn't have to sit in the 'blind-spot' corner. Later that year, she grinned and told me I'm invisible in the dark corridors (grr!). I remember how fast I ran when the classmates told me she was crying veryveryvery hard. And how we came up with the theory that being given the honour of being a prefect is just the euphemism of being a slave.
Then we shuffled around from class to class after being given another honour - the Akik-ians. Oh, and her signature pose in lab. Drop your pen underneath the from-wall-to-wall tables and sleep while pretending to search for it.
The Chen Ken Yee aka 'sai lo ko' aka first girl is that she. And she'll always be.
No matter how long she goes away or how crazy things are on the other side of the straits, she'll always be a part of me that will never go away. It's that part that you think will go away from not hearing about each other's day but never does. It's the feeling that you've found something special and precious and can never forget. It's the way you can write and draw and color and be all artistic just because you know she needs a little bit of her favorite things at the moment.
Okay, okay enough sappiness.
Oh, by the way "HEY, KEN YEE!"
We have to see each other one more time before you leave for that place okay. You are one of the few that can go away for most of my life and yet when we meet we can still yabber on for hours on end.
*love*
*love*
minx wrote at9:08 PM
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0 replies
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 10:36 PM
that hall of fame.
Sometimes it's just not appropriate to flash a sexy Inamorato so the SonyEricsson steps in on behalf. The phone was my very first "digital camera" so I'm very much attached to the lil' baby. Although the SonyEricsson was only VGA-powered, it took remarkable pictures when there was superb lighting but forget pictures in the dark 'cause you'll only capture blackness.
Hehe. These are a few from the SonyEricsson Hall of Fame. *hugs phone*
Oooooh, and none went under the editing blade. *shinebeams*
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Hehe. These are a few from the SonyEricsson Hall of Fame. *hugs phone*
Oooooh, and none went under the editing blade. *shinebeams*
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. . . . .
I also want to talk to Jared Leto. *sulks*
minx wrote at10:36 PM
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0 replies
Sunday, June 17, 2007 7:24 PM
what do you smell like today?
My hair smells of strawberry-flavored cotton candy. Sometimes when I turn away and turn back too quickly, I smell sweet caramel coated popcorn. My skin smells of popcorn generously coated with cotton candy. Yes, I smell sweet and no, this wasn't the result of being Body Shop's experimental subject.
It's from standing by and watching like a deprived little kid as 'The Expert' (he deserves the title!) expertly turns sugar into floss. Haha. He sounds like a magician doesn't he? It's a sort of magic okay. Honestly lah, when it goes into the tiny hole in the middle its just sugar, then when a particular switch turns on, it turns into floss. *Your cue to say 'Wahhh!'* Cotton candy machines and popcorn carts are the greatest inventions yet. So, let's all hail William Morrison, John Wharton and Charles Creton alongside the Wright brothers 'cause they deserve to be respected too(see, reading this is not so useless after all. now you know who created those machines =)).
Yes, yes! It was Greenfest today =)
We were supposed to be slaving away trying to save the environment but no slaving feels like slaving if you're slaving with people you're oh-so-fond of. We rolled banana leaves into petite cones for the muachi (the white gluey stuff coated with tons of nuts and sugar). I conjured polka-dotted butterflies, black spideys and green stars and made them stay on cheeks. I banged my palms on water bottles along with an entire circle of others even without drum lessons.
The Drum Circle was really the highlight of the day. For me, at least. You know how I'm addicted to drums? Now I'm even worse into it. From simply wanting to own drumsticks even though I don't know how to play the drums and wanting to marry a drummer boy, have kids and send them all for drum lessons and playing air drums whenever any drum-based song comes on on the iPod(quite mild right?). To wanting to continuously bang my palms on a drum or on any surface to create 'a beat'. Ahhh! Luckily no one noticed. We don't want BRATs to have a bad reputation, do we. I want to join the drum circle, howwwww?
I was so busy banging my palms red that I didn't show Inamorato off as much as he deserved. How to bang with him sexily hanging off my wrist? Plus I have yet to explore him so I'm not sure what does what yet. These are the few I have. (sorry if they aren't steal-worthy, gimme time and I'll get the hang of it)
szetoo-spongeybobby-weiwen. see the popcorn cart behind? *grins*
malissss! shesocutelah.
miss being given a ride in her ride
he really does bite!
Whoa, loading pictures takes forever huh? It used to be so fast with the SonyEriccson.
It's from standing by and watching like a deprived little kid as 'The Expert' (he deserves the title!) expertly turns sugar into floss. Haha. He sounds like a magician doesn't he? It's a sort of magic okay. Honestly lah, when it goes into the tiny hole in the middle its just sugar, then when a particular switch turns on, it turns into floss. *Your cue to say 'Wahhh!'* Cotton candy machines and popcorn carts are the greatest inventions yet. So, let's all hail William Morrison, John Wharton and Charles Creton alongside the Wright brothers 'cause they deserve to be respected too(see, reading this is not so useless after all. now you know who created those machines =)).
Yes, yes! It was Greenfest today =)
We were supposed to be slaving away trying to save the environment but no slaving feels like slaving if you're slaving with people you're oh-so-fond of. We rolled banana leaves into petite cones for the muachi (the white gluey stuff coated with tons of nuts and sugar). I conjured polka-dotted butterflies, black spideys and green stars and made them stay on cheeks. I banged my palms on water bottles along with an entire circle of others even without drum lessons.
The Drum Circle was really the highlight of the day. For me, at least. You know how I'm addicted to drums? Now I'm even worse into it. From simply wanting to own drumsticks even though I don't know how to play the drums and wanting to marry a drummer boy, have kids and send them all for drum lessons and playing air drums whenever any drum-based song comes on on the iPod(quite mild right?). To wanting to continuously bang my palms on a drum or on any surface to create 'a beat'. Ahhh! Luckily no one noticed. We don't want BRATs to have a bad reputation, do we. I want to join the drum circle, howwwww?
I was so busy banging my palms red that I didn't show Inamorato off as much as he deserved. How to bang with him sexily hanging off my wrist? Plus I have yet to explore him so I'm not sure what does what yet. These are the few I have. (sorry if they aren't steal-worthy, gimme time and I'll get the hang of it)
szetoo-spongeybobby-weiwen. see the popcorn cart behind? *grins*
malissss! shesocutelah.
miss being given a ride in her ride
he really does bite!. . . . .
You made me veryveryvery happy. But you unknowingly made them feel bad. I, of all people know how they felt and I didn't want them to feel the way they did but I didn't know how to get it out of the way other than hoping it'll be done with quickly.
I'm never one to shout to the world about things because things are always shouted my way. I'm sure you would agree with the rest who really do care that a little shouting should be done once in awhile but it makes me uncomfortable. More squeamish than anything.
You're still good that way though. It tells me that you do care and that I'm not another face or another name you look to to get things done. That is if I read you correctly.
As always, hat's off. =))
I'm never one to shout to the world about things because things are always shouted my way. I'm sure you would agree with the rest who really do care that a little shouting should be done once in awhile but it makes me uncomfortable. More squeamish than anything.
You're still good that way though. It tells me that you do care and that I'm not another face or another name you look to to get things done. That is if I read you correctly.
As always, hat's off. =))
minx wrote at7:24 PM
4 replies
4 replies
Friday, June 15, 2007 4:18 PM
being with and without all at once.
It's a view of a hundred thousand thorns and flowers all in one. It hurts and comforts all the same. Funny how much it reminds me of a Velvet Revolver song which title I have on the tip of my tongue and yet I can't find the words to say it. The destructive violence is ever evident and yet the drum beats calm you down, somewhat.
You know there's no chance in forevermore yet a part of you holds on hoping that that last lingering stare meant more than a quick glance. That the words written were written with you in mind. And that the sweet voice and genuine laugh you hear from eavesdropping will be yours to openly admire.
To me it compares to the drum addiction. Consuming in that every time your eyes lock on the fairly affordable drumsticks lying in your bookcase, dread comes over you reminding that a drum set will be unaffordable and only the metal sides of your bunker would be the closest drum you can practice on. It's right there and yet beyond physical reach.
It's amazing how much you think about it when you can't have it.
It's amazing the lengths you go to to hang on to the idea that 'incompatible' and 'could be better' are the only phrases used to describe it.
It's amazing how much power curiosity owns.
This is one long wait. It has always been. Sometimes it's just a little bit hard to follow through.
"We're all Roxannes loving the illusion of love."- Bigger than the Sky
Oh, blimey!
You know there's no chance in forevermore yet a part of you holds on hoping that that last lingering stare meant more than a quick glance. That the words written were written with you in mind. And that the sweet voice and genuine laugh you hear from eavesdropping will be yours to openly admire.
To me it compares to the drum addiction. Consuming in that every time your eyes lock on the fairly affordable drumsticks lying in your bookcase, dread comes over you reminding that a drum set will be unaffordable and only the metal sides of your bunker would be the closest drum you can practice on. It's right there and yet beyond physical reach.
It's amazing how much you think about it when you can't have it.
It's amazing the lengths you go to to hang on to the idea that 'incompatible' and 'could be better' are the only phrases used to describe it.
It's amazing how much power curiosity owns.
This is one long wait. It has always been. Sometimes it's just a little bit hard to follow through.
"We're all Roxannes loving the illusion of love."- Bigger than the Sky
Oh, blimey!
minx wrote at4:18 PM
Sunday, June 10, 2007 11:37 PM
he completes me.
I have found my other half. My significant other. The love of my life. Call him whatever you want, I found him.
Ohmygoodness.
I could jump, skip and hop all at once while screaming (who says I can't multi task?!). But I am a considerate apartment occupant so I will control my endorphin-driven urges to the minimal. Read: sudden squeals of finding my pretty eyed boy while the family follows a heart-stopping murder investigation on the telly.
Did I say 'Ohmygoodness' already? Okay amplify that a gazillion billion times and then multiply that a million times more. I am that in love.
My sexy baby draws me to explore his extra abilities but I have a scary tipping mountain-load of reading and thinking to do. That's also why my beau's coolness isn't all over this post.
Haha. You think I've finally gotten myself a boyfriend, right? NOT!
With the help of the Daddums, I've got me a Canon IXUS 850 IS. And I've named his seducing self Inamorato (MyDreamy doesn't quite cut it lah!). Who needs a guy when you can have a super cool, to drool for digital camera??
Can so die right?
Best part is, it wasn't acquired from being a pouty spoilt child at the dealer's but instead from saving since the beginning of time and then some from the Daddums. See, the IXUS SD 800 would have done just as well but the Daddums was so sweet to get the extras for Inamorato.
Ooooooh, and someone out there feels exactly the way I do.
Pretty fine day so far, I'd say.
*beams*
Ohmygoodness.
I could jump, skip and hop all at once while screaming (who says I can't multi task?!). But I am a considerate apartment occupant so I will control my endorphin-driven urges to the minimal. Read: sudden squeals of finding my pretty eyed boy while the family follows a heart-stopping murder investigation on the telly.
Did I say 'Ohmygoodness' already? Okay amplify that a gazillion billion times and then multiply that a million times more. I am that in love.
My sexy baby draws me to explore his extra abilities but I have a scary tipping mountain-load of reading and thinking to do. That's also why my beau's coolness isn't all over this post.
Haha. You think I've finally gotten myself a boyfriend, right? NOT!
With the help of the Daddums, I've got me a Canon IXUS 850 IS. And I've named his seducing self Inamorato (MyDreamy doesn't quite cut it lah!). Who needs a guy when you can have a super cool, to drool for digital camera??
Can so die right?
Best part is, it wasn't acquired from being a pouty spoilt child at the dealer's but instead from saving since the beginning of time and then some from the Daddums. See, the IXUS SD 800 would have done just as well but the Daddums was so sweet to get the extras for Inamorato.
Ooooooh, and someone out there feels exactly the way I do.
Pretty fine day so far, I'd say. *beams*
minx wrote at11:37 PM
2 replies
2 replies