off much deprived limelight

I have this thing I do every time I turn on MyDoxy, I have my left leg up on the chair so the side of my forehead rests on my knee just so I can hug it close. The way my forehead fits perfectly on the top of my knee reminds me of a Snow Patrol song to which I completed many an assignment to. It gives me this feeling that comforts even while revealing the harshest truth. Even the cartoons illustrated in my mind fade from full vivid colors to black and white. Not that black and white is not pretty but after you've seen things in technicolor, it's just a little bit harder to live with only two of such colors. Things are scary that way. You just will never know. Throw the list of 'Wh- & H-' questions right out the window 'cause those only work if you've stolen a time machine.

Somehow even if you say things will get better, I know nothing of the sort is going to happen soon. It has got to go more downhill than it already is because that's what the next few days have in store for me. Do I blame myself? More than anything. Yes, I have an internal locus of control, so sue me.

You ask broken? I answer crushed.
I state it. You deny.
Wait, you insist. But it isn't something I'm capable of. Right now at least.

I have to walk away. I have to forget. I have to focus. My 'to-do' list is getting longer by the minute.

Yes lah, things are not very pretty at the moment. To smile and hide everything is a magic I've not been privileged to possess. So, you get to see my heart's content splattered all over out in the open.

Help is not an option because there isn't any available. I'm in a rut that only I can pull myself out.

Ironically enough, I don't have the strength to do it.
Maybe it's somewhere in me. Merely undiscovered.

As with everything else where this girl is concerned.

minx wrote at9:06 PM

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