the girl
/>
She's the girl who sits and watches while others live a charmed life. The girl loves to write but doesn't know if she's any good at it. She loves rainbow sprinkled ice cream on a rainy day. She loves to take walks with the wind blowing. Giggling should be made a career. She tells you her secrets in not so many words.
in the past
blog pokes
well-known pokes
Thursday, May 29, 2008 4:13 PM
fancy-schmancy, i'm not your fancy
It just means: Thanks, now go away.
There was something that always nagged that this would eventually happen.
That I was kidding myself.
That this was just a fancy.
And true enough.
Another door to stare at.
At least there are other doors around.
=)
There was something that always nagged that this would eventually happen.
That I was kidding myself.
That this was just a fancy.
And true enough.
Another door to stare at.At least there are other doors around.
=)
minx wrote at4:13 PM
0 replies
0 replies
Friday, May 23, 2008 11:11 PM
bread crumbs hunt
This was no easy feat. It took a huge pile of tissue paper, lots of nose-blowing and then, some. The fatigue argument stood rather well to hide the red eyes. And the distant stares into nowhere, though was never successful for long periods of time managed to wiggle me out of some congratulatory speeches. Yes, all around they've got what they signed up for.
It was difficult to steer clear of the topic as after all it was the latest thing to be overly competitive about. So how, so how? And the brown/yellow/red/purple cows came into view once again. All I hear are first choices. Not one who's dissatisfied as of yet. Most would say this is a good thing and even in my state of mind, I couldn't help but agree. I would love to give that expected pat on the back but I can't do it whole-heartedly. I can't have that be on my conscience. Maybe not just yet.
I admit that this will be a challenge. But like you've said, it'll be an experience that has been designed for only me.
Strange how all of that seemed like a huge chunk of unoriginal nonsense when I first heard it. Now, however, it's the only valid strand of reason I can hang on to.
+copy.jpg)
Because this is the only way I'll see the bread crumbs on the pathway to my silver lining.
It was difficult to steer clear of the topic as after all it was the latest thing to be overly competitive about. So how, so how? And the brown/yellow/red/purple cows came into view once again. All I hear are first choices. Not one who's dissatisfied as of yet. Most would say this is a good thing and even in my state of mind, I couldn't help but agree. I would love to give that expected pat on the back but I can't do it whole-heartedly. I can't have that be on my conscience. Maybe not just yet.
I admit that this will be a challenge. But like you've said, it'll be an experience that has been designed for only me.
Strange how all of that seemed like a huge chunk of unoriginal nonsense when I first heard it. Now, however, it's the only valid strand of reason I can hang on to.
+copy.jpg)
Because this is the only way I'll see the bread crumbs on the pathway to my silver lining. minx wrote at11:11 PM
3 replies
3 replies
the morning after
Perhaps it wasn't the most comforting things to hear. It would have been hilarious if you had said you wanted to come with me and threaten the person-in-charge into changing it to the one I had spent so much time on. You knew what I wanted to hear so badly and what I would have hated to hear. You're the best for steering clear of sympathies and pretentious reassurances.
It was the best way to start the morning.
.jpg)
"Why bother doing it if everything will go smoothly? Where's the challenge in that?"
It was the best way to start the morning.
.jpg)
"Why bother doing it if everything will go smoothly? Where's the challenge in that?" minx wrote at11:30 AM
1 replies
1 replies
Thursday, May 22, 2008 5:14 PM
teary-eyed dead ends
.jpg)
You want to know what stands out? What I remember?It's the cheers for joy and the relief in all your eyes. The knowing look that this will be something you can do and do your best at. This was why the zipper on my pants pocket was the most interesting thing during that hour. It was the only way to hide the shame and guilt. The multiple sighs did nothing for the whys and the how now brown/yellow/red/purple cows. Strange how it always seemed like answers could be found at the end of a sigh if you sighed long enough.
Answers will do nothing right now. Just like words of comfort. Both give promise of better times, of better things but that's just it, isn't it - they're only promises. They stay staring at you in the face hoping that this will steer the feel-better drive into overdrive. Unfortunately that rarely ever happens.
Perhaps that's why there are other gifts in life:
Like getting the window seat next to a stranger, in a bus with the windows open so you can openly rub at your eyes and not get too many questioning looks.
And being able to return to a car well-stocked with tissue paper and not have to drive off immediately.
Also windshield reflectors that shield from rude sun rays and second glances and peering stares.
Not forgetting the parking ticket operator's concerned look and cheery goodbye.
It hurts this much because this is through a fault of my own. This is on me.
I have to make this work, somehow. There's no get out of jail card.
It's a dead end.
And that is why I'm glad to have these footsteps right next to mine.
minx wrote at5:14 PM
Friday, May 16, 2008 11:20 PM
wait!
That's the one word summation of the entire day.
The turn from six thousand made me wait, twice.
I made the two of you wait. sorry!
The three of us waited for her.
He came to wait with us.
Both of us waited for them.
And in the end we waited to return home.
There's more that could be told. And told more beautifully. But the sight of the end of the road is so hauntingly absorbing that it distracts more than it intends to. The yellow line tells more than it usually does. Boundaries, it nags. I wish it would quit poking at the obvious. I wish it would stop being unrelentingly critical.
But I'm wishing on too much for a line on a road.
+copy.jpg)
Yet, that's what I'm still doing.
The turn from six thousand made me wait, twice.
I made the two of you wait. sorry!
The three of us waited for her.
He came to wait with us.
Both of us waited for them.
And in the end we waited to return home.
There's more that could be told. And told more beautifully. But the sight of the end of the road is so hauntingly absorbing that it distracts more than it intends to. The yellow line tells more than it usually does. Boundaries, it nags. I wish it would quit poking at the obvious. I wish it would stop being unrelentingly critical.
But I'm wishing on too much for a line on a road.
+copy.jpg)
Yet, that's what I'm still doing. minx wrote at11:20 PM
1 replies
1 replies
Sunday, May 11, 2008 10:06 PM
a shadow of Boone's logic
It would have been any ordinary Sunday. Perhaps even one where we sulked together staring at happy passers-by. That morning's debate rang loud, still. There were a few logical points amidst the long string of ones that couldn't be reasoned even if you stood till your feet felt like it was made up of a million crawling ants.
Strangely, standing in the shower for an obscene amount of time cured all aches. The sight of the kitty in the window looking forlornly, willing us to return smoothed over what seemed like a tense nerve. The idea that this never succumbs to the test of mortality made my smile stay a moment longer than necessary.
They will never leave even though your arguments were petty. Even if they wanted, they couldn't. There will always be a part of me in them and in me, a part of them. You could call it being stuck without prior consent. I choose to call it being stuck because being stuck is the only thing we know.
As Boone would have it, today could be a 'Quite Good Day'. It however, ended up being an infinitely better day than anything in the long list of day types that Boone could ever hope to come up with.
Maybe because there was so much red everywhere.
Or maybe because it was simply a day with them who are so attuned to each other that they color-coordinated without realising it.
muchlove.
Strangely, standing in the shower for an obscene amount of time cured all aches. The sight of the kitty in the window looking forlornly, willing us to return smoothed over what seemed like a tense nerve. The idea that this never succumbs to the test of mortality made my smile stay a moment longer than necessary.
They will never leave even though your arguments were petty. Even if they wanted, they couldn't. There will always be a part of me in them and in me, a part of them. You could call it being stuck without prior consent. I choose to call it being stuck because being stuck is the only thing we know.
As Boone would have it, today could be a 'Quite Good Day'. It however, ended up being an infinitely better day than anything in the long list of day types that Boone could ever hope to come up with.
Maybe because there was so much red everywhere.
Or maybe because it was simply a day with them who are so attuned to each other that they color-coordinated without realising it.
muchlove. minx wrote at10:06 PM
0 replies
0 replies
Wednesday, May 07, 2008 8:45 PM
that writer; she came back
This was a two year overdue trip. This was something that has been nagging at the back of my mind since that first time I heard Arasu wasn't doing too good. This was to my second home =)
There was always something that concerned everyone whenever I tried to take the trip. It was no help that the only bus company traveling up wasn't exactly the safest. So I was constantly at odds; with both myself and the parental unit. But this time nothing of the sort was an issue because two others tagged along.
It was a three-hour ride and I was to be on the lookout for a Petronas gas station.
When I saw the gas station, I turned jumpy. It was hard to believe that in a matter of minutes we would be among those I've waited so long to meet. I'll never forget the sight of that gas station.
The two days were definitely too short and I was aware of that even when I embarked on this visit but at that time what little time there was felt enough. I was wrong. There were so many things to do and say but there wasn't enough time.
A longer trip is in the works.
If you could push through and take a look, you'd see.
You'd really see what I see. You'd understand. You'd believe. If you would only listen. You'd be able to discern what I'm saying and what you want to hear me saying.
But all of these are merely if(s) are they not? Even if I said please a million times, you'd find it difficult.
You'd walk away. You'd think crossly of me.
i miss.
the honesty. the unconditional love. the non-judgmental disposition. the genuine cheers. the strive. the spirit.
i miss it all.
There was always something that concerned everyone whenever I tried to take the trip. It was no help that the only bus company traveling up wasn't exactly the safest. So I was constantly at odds; with both myself and the parental unit. But this time nothing of the sort was an issue because two others tagged along.
It was a three-hour ride and I was to be on the lookout for a Petronas gas station.When I saw the gas station, I turned jumpy. It was hard to believe that in a matter of minutes we would be among those I've waited so long to meet. I'll never forget the sight of that gas station.
The two days were definitely too short and I was aware of that even when I embarked on this visit but at that time what little time there was felt enough. I was wrong. There were so many things to do and say but there wasn't enough time.A longer trip is in the works.
If you could push through and take a look, you'd see.You'd really see what I see. You'd understand. You'd believe. If you would only listen. You'd be able to discern what I'm saying and what you want to hear me saying.
But all of these are merely if(s) are they not? Even if I said please a million times, you'd find it difficult.
You'd walk away. You'd think crossly of me.
i miss.the honesty. the unconditional love. the non-judgmental disposition. the genuine cheers. the strive. the spirit.
i miss it all.
minx wrote at8:45 PM
1 replies
1 replies
Tuesday, May 06, 2008 4:12 PM
another first love
Its been almost a year since that day.
I remember their facial expressions to the speech I gave in the living room supporting what seemed like a ludicrous proposal. Having finished, I sat on the edge of the blue seat biting my lips waiting for their loud arguments against it. But that didn't come. It never did.
In it's place, I got the go ahead.
Research revealed holes in the speech points. Amidst squirms of doubts and fears of inability, there were convictions and the overwhelming push to persevere. But the hold that the fear had turned what seemed like a brilliant idea into one that looked less than perfect.
The subtleness in which they nudged was much appreciated.
The consistent offers from you helped. very much!
To be honest, I never thought this would realise. Yes, call me a pessimist. A dreamer, even. It starred in my dreams more often than anything has ever. In my defense, this was a huge deal. At least one that held many more consequences than it would usually for the average individual.
I took that step today, encouraged by something I heard one Sunday and I'm bubbling over with joy because I did.
Thank you so very much for putting up with the many continuous 'idontknow!' (s) and for volunteering your ideas and encouragements. =)
Thank you for being my connection and bringing yours. =)
Now, it's up to me to make a Farida sing.
I remember their facial expressions to the speech I gave in the living room supporting what seemed like a ludicrous proposal. Having finished, I sat on the edge of the blue seat biting my lips waiting for their loud arguments against it. But that didn't come. It never did.
In it's place, I got the go ahead.
Research revealed holes in the speech points. Amidst squirms of doubts and fears of inability, there were convictions and the overwhelming push to persevere. But the hold that the fear had turned what seemed like a brilliant idea into one that looked less than perfect.
The subtleness in which they nudged was much appreciated.
The consistent offers from you helped. very much!
To be honest, I never thought this would realise. Yes, call me a pessimist. A dreamer, even. It starred in my dreams more often than anything has ever. In my defense, this was a huge deal. At least one that held many more consequences than it would usually for the average individual.
I took that step today, encouraged by something I heard one Sunday and I'm bubbling over with joy because I did.Thank you so very much for putting up with the many continuous 'idontknow!' (s) and for volunteering your ideas and encouragements. =)
Thank you for being my connection and bringing yours. =)
Now, it's up to me to make a Farida sing. minx wrote at4:12 PM
1 replies
1 replies