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She's the girl who sits and watches while others live a charmed life. The girl loves to write but doesn't know if she's any good at it. She loves rainbow sprinkled ice cream on a rainy day. She loves to take walks with the wind blowing. Giggling should be made a career. She tells you her secrets in not so many words.

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    • Thursday, May 22, 2008 5:14 PM

    teary-eyed dead ends

    You want to know what stands out? What I remember?

    It's the cheers for joy and the relief in all your eyes. The knowing look that this will be something you can do and do your best at. This was why the zipper on my pants pocket was the most interesting thing during that hour. It was the only way to hide the shame and guilt. The multiple sighs did nothing for the whys and the how now brown/yellow/red/purple cows. Strange how it always seemed like answers could be found at the end of a sigh if you sighed long enough.

    Answers will do nothing right now. Just like words of comfort. Both give promise of better times, of better things but that's just it, isn't it - they're only promises. They stay staring at you in the face hoping that this will steer the feel-better drive into overdrive. Unfortunately that rarely ever happens.

    Perhaps that's why there are other gifts in life:
    Like getting the window seat next to a stranger, in a bus with the windows open so you can openly rub at your eyes and not get too many questioning looks.
    And being able to return to a car well-stocked with tissue paper and not have to drive off immediately.
    Also windshield reflectors that shield from rude sun rays and second glances and peering stares.
    Not forgetting the parking ticket operator's concerned look and cheery goodbye.

    It hurts this much because this is through a fault of my own. This is on me.
    I have to make this work, somehow. There's no get out of jail card.
    It's a dead end.

    And that is why I'm glad to have these footsteps right next to mine.


    minx wrote at5:14 PM