the girl
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She's the girl who sits and watches while others live a charmed life. The girl loves to write but doesn't know if she's any good at it. She loves rainbow sprinkled ice cream on a rainy day. She loves to take walks with the wind blowing. Giggling should be made a career. She tells you her secrets in not so many words.
in the past
blog pokes
well-known pokes
Friday, August 29, 2008 11:29 PM
give me a buzz, anytime.
These few words can't quite cut it.
It won't express the finality of it and neither will it convey the closure that perhaps is needed in things like this. This may be for personal reasons that even I have yet to correctly identify. I'd like to think that this could be the stand-in for the almost celebratory ending that was envisioned and soon after discarded.
I'll concede and say that there were times when it was exhilarating to have the opportunity to see the immense grace that could be showered in times of need. When Mamee Monsters came out to play and focal people stay around from concern only to let you turn off all the lights, just because. It's hard not to be grateful when there are unpredictable chair-quakes, combination of concerned smiles and asking after and even negotiations with the 'ghastly NLs' for a push in deadlines.
However it wouldn't be right not to acknowledge how the world wide web can be exhaustive when given almost the whole of eight hours for weeks on end. And that most say that rainy days are 'bad weather days'. I've tried in subtle ways to change that but it's proving difficult for the expats from cold countries - after all, they've been expecting 'obscene amounts of sunshine and warmth'.
Throughout this time, there were wonderful people who could turn almost immediately at the hint of a scandal. There were funny ones that bond the rest together to create the amazing unit they've become. And there are ones faced with decisions on a choice between an integrity and living up their potentials.
I've spoken and spoken to people who are complete strangers about the most intimate details in their days and I must say that it was interesting and also shiver-worthy. The last few have been filled with questions and thoughts and prodding into the 'wants' and 'don't wants'.
Sure, this was the whole point of the experience but who'd guess the amount of thinking it would require in the after process. All seem like very viable options with only the best as objectives but which would do?
None of it was intentional. None of it was planned. But every time, the same responses were garnered:
Oh. So fast! All the best okay.
But you just joined! All the best alright.
Think as carefully as you possibly can. All the best!
But the best possible by me is:
You know who to put your trust in. You know this.
There's this collection of captured moments in my head. Moments when things were most vulnerable and moments when vulnerability cannot and will not be tolerated and moments when nothing but admiration and a strong salute should be expected.
I have it but telling you about it would be stealing from people's lives and publishing it. That would not be right. But if you care enough and have read enough, ask and I'll give them to you with masked faces and scratched out names.
Yes, it came to an end.
And yes, due to unforeseen circumstances, what was supposed to be the 'end with a bang' turned out to be a quiet slipping away.
But if you know me, you'll know that it was all I would've ever wanted.
It won't express the finality of it and neither will it convey the closure that perhaps is needed in things like this. This may be for personal reasons that even I have yet to correctly identify. I'd like to think that this could be the stand-in for the almost celebratory ending that was envisioned and soon after discarded.
I'll concede and say that there were times when it was exhilarating to have the opportunity to see the immense grace that could be showered in times of need. When Mamee Monsters came out to play and focal people stay around from concern only to let you turn off all the lights, just because. It's hard not to be grateful when there are unpredictable chair-quakes, combination of concerned smiles and asking after and even negotiations with the 'ghastly NLs' for a push in deadlines.
However it wouldn't be right not to acknowledge how the world wide web can be exhaustive when given almost the whole of eight hours for weeks on end. And that most say that rainy days are 'bad weather days'. I've tried in subtle ways to change that but it's proving difficult for the expats from cold countries - after all, they've been expecting 'obscene amounts of sunshine and warmth'.
Throughout this time, there were wonderful people who could turn almost immediately at the hint of a scandal. There were funny ones that bond the rest together to create the amazing unit they've become. And there are ones faced with decisions on a choice between an integrity and living up their potentials.
I've spoken and spoken to people who are complete strangers about the most intimate details in their days and I must say that it was interesting and also shiver-worthy. The last few have been filled with questions and thoughts and prodding into the 'wants' and 'don't wants'.
Sure, this was the whole point of the experience but who'd guess the amount of thinking it would require in the after process. All seem like very viable options with only the best as objectives but which would do?None of it was intentional. None of it was planned. But every time, the same responses were garnered:
Oh. So fast! All the best okay.
But you just joined! All the best alright.
Think as carefully as you possibly can. All the best!
But the best possible by me is:
You know who to put your trust in. You know this.
There's this collection of captured moments in my head. Moments when things were most vulnerable and moments when vulnerability cannot and will not be tolerated and moments when nothing but admiration and a strong salute should be expected.
I have it but telling you about it would be stealing from people's lives and publishing it. That would not be right. But if you care enough and have read enough, ask and I'll give them to you with masked faces and scratched out names.
Yes, it came to an end.And yes, due to unforeseen circumstances, what was supposed to be the 'end with a bang' turned out to be a quiet slipping away.
But if you know me, you'll know that it was all I would've ever wanted. minx wrote at11:29 PM
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0 replies
Saturday, August 23, 2008 10:32 PM
she's not a cold feet kinda girl
Cold, pale toes.
The reason for that is obvious and yet there's room to wonder. Was it the rain? Was it the idea that what is there is only a semblance of an idea? Or could it be from the fear of falling over from dizziness at staring at these cold pale toes while standing straight on this stool?
Maybe it was none of those.
It could be from walking towards that question - the one that you and even I wonder about come Saturday night. Or even walking away from it at a steady pace. Do you care if I walk away and hope being still will solve it? What if being still just leads to that, stillness? What then?
Numb, cold, pale toes.
I had the brilliant idea of taking a drive with the radio turned off and the windows wound down and now on top of numb, cold, pale toes; there's numb, cold, pale fingers. But I'm glad for them. It's a good feeling to be alive enough to feel them (or not feel them).
It's a question with two choices with very many questions tailing behind like a trail of black ants.
A correct answer is no guarantee but an answer that comes from a belly warm from a mug of hot milo and a long whispering could possibly be the best there is.
The reason for that is obvious and yet there's room to wonder. Was it the rain? Was it the idea that what is there is only a semblance of an idea? Or could it be from the fear of falling over from dizziness at staring at these cold pale toes while standing straight on this stool?
Maybe it was none of those.
It could be from walking towards that question - the one that you and even I wonder about come Saturday night. Or even walking away from it at a steady pace. Do you care if I walk away and hope being still will solve it? What if being still just leads to that, stillness? What then?
Numb, cold, pale toes.
I had the brilliant idea of taking a drive with the radio turned off and the windows wound down and now on top of numb, cold, pale toes; there's numb, cold, pale fingers. But I'm glad for them. It's a good feeling to be alive enough to feel them (or not feel them).
It's a question with two choices with very many questions tailing behind like a trail of black ants.
A correct answer is no guarantee but an answer that comes from a belly warm from a mug of hot milo and a long whispering could possibly be the best there is.
minx wrote at10:32 PM
0 replies
0 replies
Sunday, August 17, 2008 4:55 PM
like a hermit in my own head
This was what it was supposed to be about.
This breeze, this setting of the sun, this being by myself.
While there's no one else at home, there are touches of each everywhere. There's the way the glass doors are wide open on both sides with the curtains drawn and the abstract art made from powder on the bathroom tiles and how one of the three rooms is in a mess from a hurried 'getting-ready-to-go-out-later!'.
The order of things today are dictated by the whim - something that used to be a thought and nothing more.
The softener-smelling, creased Rolling Stones tee fresh from the drying line lying on the couch only serves to show the complete lack of order in today. The first of which that is being thoroughly ignored is the chiming clock because time has had no authority on today =)
Phrases from three books stuck in this head present very much like a lure to abandon this and go back to them.
It has been awhile since the cloth bookmark has flown through pages like it has today.
And then to have that with Ben Gibbard live. Okay not live, but amplified to sound as good as it would be had he been live. Hitting play on this same cd three times today has been the best part but don't tell the owner of this amplifier that or he'll have a sulky frown on his face saying 'play the other cds la!'.
It's intriguing how there are more from which I could choose from and yet my fingers only want to hit play over and again on this particular one. It's just that it's difficult to get tired of this and perhaps that's why it's best that I'm here today by myself.
In between fluttering curtains, there's a view with dancing leaves and darkened clouds in the distance. Ah, the hope of rain, none could stand up to that except maybe black umbrellas and rainbow sprinkled ice cream. The reluctance to move to switch on the lights leave the room illuminated in a way these eyes has never seen in the longest time. It's the best way to stare at moving fan blades.
This was today.
This was what it had to have been about in the word.
This, today, has been exactly the today of dreams.
This breeze, this setting of the sun, this being by myself.
While there's no one else at home, there are touches of each everywhere. There's the way the glass doors are wide open on both sides with the curtains drawn and the abstract art made from powder on the bathroom tiles and how one of the three rooms is in a mess from a hurried 'getting-ready-to-go-out-later!'.
The order of things today are dictated by the whim - something that used to be a thought and nothing more.
The softener-smelling, creased Rolling Stones tee fresh from the drying line lying on the couch only serves to show the complete lack of order in today. The first of which that is being thoroughly ignored is the chiming clock because time has had no authority on today =)
Phrases from three books stuck in this head present very much like a lure to abandon this and go back to them.
It has been awhile since the cloth bookmark has flown through pages like it has today.And then to have that with Ben Gibbard live. Okay not live, but amplified to sound as good as it would be had he been live. Hitting play on this same cd three times today has been the best part but don't tell the owner of this amplifier that or he'll have a sulky frown on his face saying 'play the other cds la!'.
It's intriguing how there are more from which I could choose from and yet my fingers only want to hit play over and again on this particular one. It's just that it's difficult to get tired of this and perhaps that's why it's best that I'm here today by myself.In between fluttering curtains, there's a view with dancing leaves and darkened clouds in the distance. Ah, the hope of rain, none could stand up to that except maybe black umbrellas and rainbow sprinkled ice cream. The reluctance to move to switch on the lights leave the room illuminated in a way these eyes has never seen in the longest time. It's the best way to stare at moving fan blades.
This was today.
This was what it had to have been about in the word.
This, today, has been exactly the today of dreams.
minx wrote at4:55 PM
0 replies
0 replies