off much deprived limelight

These few words can't quite cut it.
It won't express the finality of it and neither will it convey the closure that perhaps is needed in things like this. This may be for personal reasons that even I have yet to correctly identify. I'd like to think that this could be the stand-in for the almost celebratory ending that was envisioned and soon after discarded.

I'll concede and say that there were times when it was exhilarating to have the opportunity to see the immense grace that could be showered in times of need. When Mamee Monsters came out to play and focal people stay around from concern only to let you turn off all the lights, just because. It's hard not to be grateful when there are unpredictable chair-quakes, combination of concerned smiles and asking after and even negotiations with the 'ghastly NLs' for a push in deadlines.

However it wouldn't be right not to acknowledge how the world wide web can be exhaustive when given almost the whole of eight hours for weeks on end. And that most say that rainy days are 'bad weather days'. I've tried in subtle ways to change that but it's proving difficult for the expats from cold countries - after all, they've been expecting 'obscene amounts of sunshine and warmth'.

Throughout this time, there were wonderful people who could turn almost immediately at the hint of a scandal. There were funny ones that bond the rest together to create the amazing unit they've become. And there are ones faced with decisions on a choice between an integrity and living up their potentials.

I've spoken and spoken to people who are complete strangers about the most intimate details in their days and I must say that it was interesting and also shiver-worthy. The last few have been filled with questions and thoughts and prodding into the 'wants' and 'don't wants'.

Sure, this was the whole point of the experience but who'd guess the amount of thinking it would require in the after process. All seem like very viable options with only the best as objectives but which would do?

None of it was intentional. None of it was planned. But every time, the same responses were garnered:
Oh. So fast! All the best okay.
But you just joined! All the best alright.
Think as carefully as you possibly can. All the best!
But the best possible by me is:
You know who to put your trust in. You know this.

There's this collection of captured moments in my head. Moments when things were most vulnerable and moments when vulnerability cannot and will not be tolerated and moments when nothing but admiration and a strong salute should be expected.
I have it but telling you about it would be stealing from people's lives and publishing it. That would not be right. But if you care enough and have read enough, ask and I'll give them to you with masked faces and scratched out names.

Yes, it came to an end.
And yes, due to unforeseen circumstances, what was supposed to be the 'end with a bang' turned out to be a quiet slipping away.

But if you know me, you'll know that it was all I would've ever wanted.

minx wrote at11:29 PM
0 replies

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